Diagnosis and Treatment, Featured, Head and Neck Cancer, Mouth Cancer, Survivorship, Throat Cancer

How to talk to family and friends about a head and neck cancer diagnosis

By Nicole Ferrara • April 2, 2025

Estimated reading time: 6 minutes

Editor's note: April is Head and Neck Cancer Awareness Month.

By Sara Youngblood Gregory

Talking to loved ones about a recent head and neck cancer diagnosis can be overwhelming. Of course, there is no one “right” or “wrong” way to handle these conversations — or adjusting to your life with cancer. Everyone has their own pace, preferences and relationship patterns. But taking the time to consider your approach can help make these conversations more manageable.

If you have been diagnosed with a head and neck cancer, consider these tips to talk more openly with your loved ones.

Understand your head and neck cancer diagnosis

Anxiety and fear are a natural response to a cancer diagnosis, says Eric Moore, M.D., chair of the Department of Otolaryngology-Head and Neck Surgery at Mayo Clinic in Minnesota.

“People justifiably want to know what this diagnosis means for them. Am I going to live? Is it going to require aggressive treatment?” he says. “One of the first things I say is to take a breath. There are specialists that are passionate about and have studied your disease. And the vast majority of cancers that are encountered are treatable and very many of them are likely curable.”

The next step is to learn as much as you can about your cancer diagnosis. If possible, Dr. Moore recommends having a loved one accompany you to appointments and take notes. That way, both you and your loved one have the opportunity to fully process and discuss the information shared.

From there, Dr. Moore says it is important to understand that head and neck cancer isn‘t a specific diagnosis. Rather, head and neck cancer is a general category that describes many different types of cancer that impact the head and neck region. Cancers in the mouth, tongue, tonsils, pharynx (throat), larynx (throat box), nasal cavity and other areas are all considered types of head and neck cancer. Squamous cell carcinoma — a type of cancer that develops in the skin cells that line the lips, sinuses, and inner mouth and throat — is one of the most common types of head and neck cancer. However, the incidence of oropharyngeal cancer is on the rise in the United States. Often involving the tonsils and base of the tongue, oropharyngeal cancer is thought to be caused by exposure to human papillomavirus (HPV), a sexually transmitted infection.

Given the variety of head and neck cancers, it is key to talk with your care team about the exact type of cancer, stage and treatment options available. Having a firm grasp of your cancer diagnosis can also help you determine what to share with loved ones moving forward.

Consider when and how to talk to loved ones about your head and neck cancer

Before you begin disclosing your diagnosis, it can be helpful to first consider the different relationships in your life. It may be helpful to ask yourself the following questions:

Who do you want to talk to? For many people, this may be a partner, parent or close friend — anyone important to you who can provide emotional support throughout your cancer journey.
Who do you need to talk to? From a practical or logistical standpoint, certain people in your life may need to be informed of a diagnosis sooner rather than later. For example, a caregiver may need to speak to your care team on your behalf or an employer may need to accommodate your treatment schedule.
Who can you talk to at a later time? When you first receive a diagnosis, there are some people in your life who may not need to be informed immediately, for both personal and practical reasons. For example, you can speak with more-distant relatives and friends, neighbors and coworkers when you feel ready to talk.

Once you have a better understanding of who you’d like to speak to and when, it’s a good idea to think about the best method of communication. For a friend or family member, you may choose to make a personal phone call or set aside time to meet in person. If you’re talking with a child about a cancer diagnosis, being as open and honest as possible about both the diagnosis and your feelings are good first steps. In other situations, a text message, letter, email or even social media post may feel more appropriate.

Each method comes with its own considerations — a personal conversation can feel affirming, but over time it may be exhausting to speak so intimately with everyone in your life. On the other hand, a social media post may require less time and emotional investment, but it may be a less personal or private option. To avoid emotional burnout or repeating yourself multiple times to multiple people, you also may choose to lean on the support of a loved one to inform extended family and friends. That way, they can inform your support network about your diagnosis, the best ways to support you and any specific requests you may have.

When asking for support for your cancer treatment, get specific

Most people know that it’s important to ask for help, but this is often easier said than done.

To start, determine exactly what kind of help you need — be it logistical or emotional — and who exactly can provide it.

For example, if you can’t drive to your medical appointments or struggle with eating during treatment, consider asking a reliable friend to create a rideshare or meal prep schedule. By delegating this task, your loved ones have a tangible, consistent way to provide support and you can rest easier knowing certain tasks are taken care of.

Other times, you may need space to talk about your feelings and concerns. Think about the core message or emotion you’d like heard. Are you looking to vent? Do you want advice or reassurances? Before starting a conversation, stating the exact type of feedback and support that you’re looking for can ensure you get what you need.

“If you don’t have that kind of support network of family and friends, that doesn’t mean it’s nonexistent,” says Dr. Moore. “I encourage you to discuss your concerns during the initial consultation with your healthcare professional.” In many situations, there are a number of resources your care team can connect you with, including support groups, care coordinators and social work programs.

Finally, if you are experiencing sleep deprivation, feel overwhelmed or fatigued, or notice any difficulties with concentration and memory, Dr. Moore says these are early signs that you may need more support.